


Me After You

by xxstk122



Series: All About You [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Marriage, Poems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:14:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23838925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxstk122/pseuds/xxstk122
Summary: Hyunwoo finally has the chance to read the poems Kihyun made for himShowki Mini Bingo: Hurt / Comfort
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Series: All About You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713625
Comments: 22
Kudos: 55
Collections: showki mini-bingo 2020





	Me After You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello just wanna say to re-read the archive warnings / tags!!  
> I tried my best to be medically accurate hehe  
> This is my 3rd bingo fic and part 2 of the All About You series uwu
> 
> The poems below are NOT mine and are credited at the end notes!
> 
> Fun fact: I made myself cry while writing this  
> Please enjoy reading hehehe ^^
> 
> Listen to:  
> Me After You - Paul Kim  
> Can you hear my heart? - Heize

_“_ _I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where._ _  
_ _I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;_ _  
_ _so I love you because I know no other way_ _  
_ _  
_ _than this: where I does not exist, nor you,_ _  
_ _so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,_ _  
_ _so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep._ _”_ ** **1** **

Kihyun barely made it half to his poem-vow. He was sobbing and his hands were shaking but Hyunwoo held them tightly to secure them. He couldn’t have imagine that he’d be here after a year of getting engaged (twice I might add, because Hyunwoo really proposed to him at a hospital garden with a flower ring.) He honestly always expects the worse but life has it's surprises and wonders.

> _Kihyun was finally cancer free. The treatment for Leukemia went well. He has recovered and has been cleared by the doctors after the initial treatment. Chemotherapy was actually a pain in the ass._ _I_ _t made Kihyun feel weak and useless but Hyunwoo was there every step of the way._
> 
> _When the day came that it was his final check-up and he was cleared, both of them jumped in joy. Kihyun’s mother was crying in relief and happiness. Even President Son was so elated that they all went out to family dinner._
> 
> _After a mini celebration, Hyunwoo and Kihyun went home to their apartment. Long over were the days they slept separately, they sleep on a king sized bed in one room now. The other room was used as an extra office area since both of them were on their way to owning their respective family company._
> 
> _They rested on the bed, feeling like they’re on cloud nine. Hyunwoo couldn’t help but cry again._
> 
> _“What’s wrong?” Kihyun asks_
> 
> _“I’m just.. so happy that you’re better now” Hyunwoo’s tears were dampening his pillow_
> 
> _“And it’s all thanks to you. You’ve been here through everything. I couldn’t do it without you” Kihyun couldn’t help but cry as well_
> 
> _Hyunwoo chuckles “No, I’ve done nothing. You’re strong Kihyun, you did this. I’m just here like I promised, I’m at your disposal”_
> 
> _Kihyun gives the older a little peck on the lips “And thank you for that, you are the source of my strength. I love you”_
> 
> _“Let’s get married now” Hyunwoo abruptly says and sits up_
> 
> _“N-now?!” Kihyun stutters in surprise_
> 
> _“Yeah. I don’t care if we get married in the rain or in our pajamas. I want to do it as soon as possible”_
> 
> _“W-wait! Let me at least prepare! My hair is in a terrible state now”_
> 
> _Chemotherapy had a way of making the patient’s hair fall out and affect weight in general. Kihyun didn’t want to look like this in his wedding photos._
> 
> _“What are you saying? You’re the most beautiful person I have ever met” Hyunwoo strokes the younger’s face slowly_
> 
> _A_ _smile on his face presented itself “Okay lover boy, I get what you’re saying but I just wanna look healthy ya know? Let me just get a bit better and we’ll get married as soon as we can”_
> 
> _“Okay, as long as you’re marrying me. I can wait”_

Now here they are, 2 months later in a big conference hall. They had the best cake, best champagne, best food and absolutely beautiful flower decorations, after all, money isn’t really a problem. They were seated in front with a mini stage where all of their guests can see them. Despite both of them being heirs of big companies, they opted for a private and small ceremony. No paparazzi, no news outlets or announcements, just people who were happy to see them together.

“Now it’s time for the couple’s first dance” the MC, Jooheon, who became a dear friend to both of them announces

Hyunwoo stands and asks for Kihyun’s hand as they walk into the middle of the dance floor. Kihyun could feel his heart beat faster. No matter how many times he was with Hyunwoo, he always felt like he was falling in love for the first time over and over again.

Teary eyes are what greets Kihyun as he looks up to his husband. He steps a bit closer to him and giggles.

“Are you gonna cry the whole day today?”

“I did not cry the whole day” Hyunwoo argues with a pout

“You cried when you saw me enter the hall, then cried again when I was reading my vow to you”

“Hey! You cried too, ya know? Also.. I didn’t expect you to make a poem for our vow.. Which was very beautiful by the way, I had no choice but to cry”

Kihyun gives Hyunwoo an eskimo kiss “I tried my best to write that one, I’m glad you liked it. I was nervous.”

“I love it. I hope you write more poems about me and I hope to hear them one day” Hyunwoo teases

“You will, they’re still in that little notebook. I’ll let you read them someday but today, you get that vow”

“I’d be honored” Hyunwoo chuckles. He sees the little orange daisy at the pocket of Kihyun’s suit “Oh, an orange daisy huh?”

“Hmm..” Kihyun steps back to look down on his own suit “Ah, did you know what this flower means? Aside from it’s the one you used to propose to me in the hospital garden”

Hyunwoo shakes his head no as they continue to hold each other close and sway side to side, their guests finally joining them on the dance floor.

“Orange daisies mean joy and happiness a friendship brings into your life” Kihyun says as he takes the orange daisy from his pocket to put it into Hyunwoo’s

“Friendship? Should we change our flower?”

Kihyun laughs with his head thrown back “No way. I married into a beautiful friendship. One of the best friendships I have is now my life long commitment. This flower became too meaningful that day, I wouldn’t change it for anything”

* * *

Three years has passed. Hyunwoo was nearing his time to be the President of Son Airlines and Kihyun is going to be inheriting the Yoo chain of hotels very soon as well. Things went by fast, they had their ups and downs, arguing and loving each other like any other couple but their feelings for each other have never wavered. They supported each other through thick and thin.

Everything was going well until Kihyun felt sick and had to bed rest for 2 whole days. He thought he was just overworked, it was usually like that. He would push himself to the limit until Hyunwoo has to stop him and reprimand his workaholic habits. But this time, he was still feeling a bit sick even after resting. That doesn’t stop him from going to work though, he was so close in achieving his dream to prove himself and make his dreams come true.

His headache was more apparent and lately, he would sweat a lot and get tired easily. He didn’t want to think the worse but it was 3 years already and he was doing well. He stood up from his desk to get fresh air at the rooftop but before he can go far into the hallway, his body felt pain and he fell onto the ground. He couldn’t stand up, the pain in his legs being too much that he screamed. His co-worker saw him and quickly alerted for someone to call an ambulance.

He arrives at the hospital with his mother. Having to work in the same building, she was told immediately of what happened and rode the ambulance with him.

When he was finally feeling better after a lot of pain relievers and tests done, Hyunwoo arrives at the emergency room in a haste. He kneels on the floor beside the bed and asks with worry

“What happened, Ki?”

“I don’t know.. I just thought I needed to take a break from working and I wanted to go to the rooftop and halfway through the hallway my legs suddenly felt painful and I couldn’t walk properly”

Hyunwoo holds his hand gently “It’ll be alright, okay Ki? It will be alright”

After an hour, the doctor stands in front of them while holding a clipboard. It looks like the tests results are done and it didn’t look good because why else would her eyebrows be scrunched?

“Mr. Yoo, I’m afraid to tell you that.. your white blood cell count is abnormal. We also found irregularities in your chest x-ray and according to your past medical records It seems that your leukemia has relapsed”

“Relapsed?! I thought he was cleared?” Hyunwoo shouts in anger but Kihyun holds his hand tighter to calm him down

Kihyun’s mother was already sobbing. She couldn’t believe what was happening either.

“There might have been smaller cancer cells that cannot be detected that spread out in different areas and have now grown”

Hyunwoo was angry. Angry at the world, at this stupid disease. Everything was going so well. Why did it have to happen now? He wants to scream and cry but the hand holding his reminds him that he needs to be strong and calm. He wasn’t the one who was sick and yet he felt devastated. He can’t imagine what Kihyun is feeling.

He turns to his husband who was lying down on the bed, trying his best to hold back his tears “Kihyun..”

Kihyun covers his face as he couldn’t stop the tears flowing down his cheeks. He felt betrayed. What cruel fate was brought upon him? Why did the world have to make him this way?

“Kihyun” Hyunwoo rubs his husbands arm “It will be okay. We can do this like we did the first time, right? You can fight this and I’ll be here as always”

Kihyun nods but continues to cry. He couldn’t help but think the worse.

* * *

The doctor has already explained to them what they have to do. Strict diets, different kinds of therapy, and more medicine. It was clearly harder and more intense than the first time. They already had the best in everything and yet Kihyun felt hopeless. He knew what his body was telling him. He can’t do it anymore. Even if he has all the best treatments and doctors in the world, his body can’t keep up with it.

He felt ugly, depressed and isolated. His body losing weight rapidly and his hair thinning out. He hated himself. Sometimes he took his anger out on Hyunwoo and his mother even though he knew it was wrong but he felt like the world ganged up on him, taking his happiness away so suddenly.

However, Hyunwoo never gave up on him. He kept doing his best for Kihyun even though there were times that he felt hopeless, he would never cease to make an effort to give Kihyun every support that he needed. He even postponed his rights to owning the company to concentrate on Kihyun a little bit more.

And that was what Kihyun hated the most, the way Hyunwoo had to give up a lot of things just to take care of him. He felt like a burden. He hears Hyunwoo crying out of frustration sometimes when the older thinks he was already asleep. His husband always faking a smile in front of him, telling him lies on how things will be alright or how things are improving but Kihyun knows better. Sometimes he lies back in order to comfort Hyunwoo albeit it weighing down on both of their consciousness.

It was a Friday night and Hyunwoo took the whole week off work. He sees how Kihyun is getting worse despite all of their treatments and positive thinking, he can’t ignore the reality in front of him. Kihyun was lying down on the hospital bed for 3 days now, unable to stand up and do small things on his own. Hyunwoo placed a flower vase full of orange daises on the opposite side of the room where Kihyun would be able to see it properly.

“Hyunwoo..” Kihyun calls his husband with a faint voice

Hyunwoo rushes to his side “Yes, love?”

Kihyun gives him a gentle smile and says “Hyunwoo, you have to let me go”

Hyunwoo could feel his words get stuck in his throat, lips trembling at the words he just heard. He shakes his head a no and holds Kihyun’s hand softly.

“Hyunwoo, love, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do this to you anymore, you deserve to be happy”

“But I am happy.. I’m happy as long as you’re with me”

Kihyun grins widely “I know but now, I’m just bringing you pain. I’m bringing my mom pain. I’m in so much pain because I’m sick but the pain I feel when I look at you is much worse. I can’t stand seeing you being hurt because of me”

Hyunwoo shakes his head again “I’m okay, I can do this. Don’t give up on me please, Kihyun? We can do this, YOU can do this!”

“Hyunwoo, I love you so much but please no more lying. We both know I’m only getting worse as days go by. I'm not getting better. I’ll have to go whether I like it or not but I don’t want to leave if we’re like this. I want us to be honest and happy for my remaining days, no more lies or fake smiles. Let's be genuinely happy togther.” Kihyun tries his best to hold Hyunwoo’s hands tightly with the strength he has left

“Kihyun..” Hyunwoo sobs as he brings Kihyun’s hand to his lips and kisses it “I.. I understand”

Kihyun nods “Thank you. I want you to promise me that you’ll be happy okay? Take care of yourself and your dad and my mom too, please?”

Hyunwoo nods and tries his best to smile

“Also..” a tear escapes Kihyun’s eyes “Please don’t forget me. Don’t forget how much we made each other happy, okay? I want you to remember only the happy things”

Hyunwoo kisses Kihyun’s forehead gently “I love you. So much.”

* * *

It’s been only 2 days and Kihyun’s time has come. Hyunwoo tried to prepare himself for it but seeing his husband, the person he loves the most, is now lifeless on the bed, felt like he was being stabbed by a thousand needles in his heart all at once. He was held Kihyun’s mother who was also crying uncontrollably while his father was rubbing his back trying his best to comfort him. It was time to let go.

Hyunwoo came home to their apartment that now felt lifeless. The once bright and cheerful room that was filled with Kihyun’s laugh and nagging was now dead silent. The whole place felt cold and darker. He enters the bedroom to try and get some sleep, instead he hugs Kihyun’s pillow tightly as if it was Kihyun himself.

He sees a small notebook under the pillow. It looked a lot like the notebook Kihyun used when they went to Jeju all those years ago. Memories of their little trip flashing in his mind. He picks it up carefully and opens it to be greeted by a message.

> “Hyunwoo, if you found this, it means I have already passed away. I’m so sorry it has to come to this. I really tried my best to fight, hope, and pray but it seems like we can’t always get everything we wanted no? But I’m not here to say my apologies, this notebook contains all the poems I wrote, which are mostly about you. I told you when we got married that you would have the chance to read it and now that day has come! Please do not laugh at my poems or I will haunt you! Hahaha.. I’m just kidding but still, I tried my best to write these okay? I hope you like them and feel how much I love you.
> 
> Your husband, Yoo Kihyun”

Hyunwoo laughed to himself even though he was still crying. He flipped the first few pages to see some poems about life, a cat that Kihyun encountered or a distant childhood memory of Kihyun and his mother. He read all of it with a heavy heart. He reaches half of the notebook and sees a single page with only a title with their wedding photo attached.

**“A Poem Called You”**

He turns the page to see the first poem written.

> They say silence is Golden,  
>  I believe it is true,  
>  Because in that Golden silence,  
>  my thoughts occur of you. ** **2****

The first poem was short though it was very sweet. Hyunwoo definitely knows that Kihyun has written this with how cheesy it is. It seems like the first poem was written when they were getting to know each other better. He goes on reading the second poem.

> How happy I am to be in love with you.  
>  I want to scream from my lungs till I'm breathless and blue.  
>  I want the world to know how excited I am  
>  To be in love with this gorgeous, perfect man. ** **3****

Hyunwoo read the endless amount of poems Kihyun wrote for him. He even found some that were possible vows with a big X written all over them. All telling him how much he loved Hyunwoo and how happy Kihyun felt to receive love from him. He wanted to tell Kihyun how much he loved this poems, to tell him how much he loved him back. But his husband was gone now. This notebook with words full of love should have made him the happiest and yet it made him feel burning pain in his chest. He wished he could hold Kihyun and tease him on how cheesy these poems are yet the only thing he does is cry and cry even more.

He reaches the last page of the notebook, reading the last poem.

> I want to be with you forever  
>  I thought that as I was looking at you  
>  I was so happy after meeting you  
>  I was able to love you so much
> 
> Are you happy after meeting me, too?  
>  I'm sorry that I have more that I couldn't give you
> 
> I think I found a perfect love
> 
> After I met you ** **4****

Hyunwoo hugs the notebook to his chest and falls asleep crying. Wishing that Kihyun would hear his thoughts on how much he loves him now and for the rest of his life. Because there was no one else like Yoo Kihyun and he would love no one else like he did with Kihyun.

* * *

More than a year has passed since Kihyun’s death, it’s supposed to be their 5th anniversary as a couple. The wind blows gently against his hair as he stands in front of Kihyun’s grave, the sunset was beautiful though he looked at it with sadness. He was doing better than he did the first 3 months where he was a wreck. He didn’t want to eat nor work but as he keeps on reading the poems and remembered how much Kihyun asked him to be happy without him, he pushed himself to do better, for both Kihyun and himself.

He places the bouquet of orange daisies on the ground “Happy 5th Anniversary, my love”

He imagines Kihyun’s wide smile in his mind “I wrote a poem about us by the way. It’s short though so no teasing okay! I did my best and you’re going to be the first and last person to hear this”

Hyunwoo takes a deep breath and smiles to himself

“Thank you for teaching me about everything. About life, hope and love. I miss you so much but our love is like the wind. I can’t see it.. but I can feel it” ** **5****

**Author's Note:**

> Eyoooo did you cry? did you like it or hate it? unu  
> I kno its sad but I hope you had a good time reading :D
> 
> don't worry, there will still be part 3 on a cute little chapter fic with showki as kids (prequel) 
> 
> pls comment and leave a kudos <3
> 
> Poem credits:  
> 1 Sonnet XVII - Pablo Neruda  
> 2 Silence is Golden - Shelagh Bullman  
> 3 Happy In Love - Shelagh Bullman  
> 4 Me After You - Paul Kim  
> 5 A walk to remember (movie)


End file.
